Getting Physical After Baby
“Sex sucks” is one of the most common complaints I get from patients who are postpartum.
You get the all clear from the doctor at your 6wk appointment, and you think…
I’m not interested.
I’m scared of what it might feel like.
I’m concerned to “deprive” my partner.
I feel uncomfortable in my skin.
I just feel “off“.
I wonder what happened to all the lubrication I had prior to and during pregnancy.
I am still in pain.
There are many physical, mental, and emotional reasons for this, and you are not alone!
Know that if pain-free, pleasurable sex is a goal for you, there is help!
Why Does Sex Suck?
Here is a list of reasons that may explain why you are struggling with intimacy.
NOTE: not only may these factors impact sex, they may also be impacting overall physical intimacy. Any physical touch may feel unnatural, uncomfortable, or “off”.
With that said, see if any of these may resonate with you
Vaginal dryness
Body insecurity
Pelvic floor pain
Fear of injury
Low libido (sex drive)
Sleep deprivation
Over-stimulated
Stressed
Decreased arousal
Why might these things be present?
There are many factors that can contribute to the symptoms/emotions mentioned above.
Now, I am not trying to just label you, or put you into a category because you are postpartum. Though there are some physiological reasons why these things may be, YOU know your mental and physical health more than I ever will.
I hope that knowing these things encourage you to seek help when needed and encourages you to do the work appropriate for your goals!
Here are some physiological reasons you may be struggling with intimacy postpartum,
Decreased Estrogen
- dryness
- decreased arousal
- impaired sensitivity to touch
- low sex drive
Healing tissue/muscle
- pelvic pain
- fear of injury
- insecurity (appearance, performance)
Breastfeeding
- sore/leaking breasts
- insecurity (appearance)
- exhaustion
When will sex be “good” again?
The question we’ve all been waiting for.
How long until things return to “normal”?
It depends.
I hate this response, but I can’t sit here and write “tomorrow” or “in 3 weeks” or “in 2 months” with a clear conscience.
In my experience, it is VERY dependent on the person and also the physiological factors mentioned above. I have had women feel great immediately after getting the “all clear" and I’ve also had women 2 years postpartum who are still struggling. Neither patients did anything “wrong”.
Has your cycle returned? Are you breastfeeding? How is your mental health? How is your pelvic floor health/healing?
I am not writing this to make you frustrated. I am writing this to tell you that YOU are UNIQUE and if after 3 months you are experiencing fear, pain, etc. you don’t have to suffer alone.
I urge you to find a professional (such as a pelvic floor PT!) who can help you achieve your goals.
Find a professional who can give you specific tools, individualized exercises, and/or guidance on mental health (postpartum mental health professional or sex therapist).
Additional Tips + Tricks
Dryness?
- try a water-based lubricant (I like Slippery Stuff)
- if not using condoms, you may also oil-based lubricant, coconut oil, olive oil, avocado oil
Penetration painful?
- try using a buffer ring such as the OhNut
- test out several different positions where penetration does not go quite as deep, such as missionary or side-lying
Body Insecurity?
- if comfortable, discuss these concerns with your partner
- turn the lights off
- position yourself on the bottom
- keep a shirt on
Breast discomfort/soreness?
- keep a sports bra on
- let your partner know you’d rather not be touched there
Fear of injury?
- start very slow and give frequent feedback
- have a signal or word for “I’m done”
- get assessed by physical therapist
- discuss with OB
In Conclusion…
You are NOT alone, broken, or in the wrong.
Wherever you are, I hope you feel supported, heard, and hopeful.
Email me with your own personal experiences, I’d love to be a listening ear.
